Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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