I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize