I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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