i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
