saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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