i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
be right there i have to get my cape
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
