They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
