tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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