Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I hate all girls vehemently.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
