Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
