wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
