I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize