It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
