i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
