Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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