I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
She's like a pop up book from hell.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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