I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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