I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
