She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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