is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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