The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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