I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
