I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
