I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize