i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
