I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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