I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
