So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
