why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
As shirtless as possible
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
