I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
