We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
