U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
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