If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
