Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize