Im at strip club and am horny
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize