his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
