you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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