Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
