sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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