So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
