Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just want nice things and good sex
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
