Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
