Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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