I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
