it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
