rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
