So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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