??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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