I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
