I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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