I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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