You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
