piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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