Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Everclear isn't food dammit
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
