she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
