This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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