I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
