You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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