im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Brb crying the tears of my youth
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
