I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
