i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
My underwear smells like fireworks.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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